How I Learned Drugs Were Bad

Drugs are bad. Tv and pre-teen lit taught me this. I really can't think of an interesting opener so whatevs...
*Unfun Fact: I won 2nd place in the DARE class essay. I got a watch!

90210

During 90210's 88 seasons on the air, almost every character except Andrea had a serious addiction of some sort. Even Hey-zeus aka Brandon Walsh was a gambling addict and was tricked into trying U4EA by the cunning Emily Valentine. But my favorite 3 episode addiction had to be David Silver and his meth-orange juice storyline.

So David is a freshman in college and he gets a very important job as a campus DJ, but there's a catch! Its the graveyard shift. I guess they did hear is old high school radio show! Anyway in order to stay up all night and still make it to class a pony-tailed DJ offers him some meth-and orange juice. We know things are getting out of control, because Daivd is dancing and acting
dumber than usual.http://youtube.com/watch?v=GQU7HRJWS1s This is usual

The shit reaaaaally hits the fan when he loses his baby sister in the mall, or some mess. Kelly and everyone freaks out on his ass for being irresponsible and so he stops doing meth-and orange juice. I really think he's just like, " you know guys your'e right. I'mma stop doing meth-an orange juice. Nnnnnow!"
Happy ending.

Life Lessons Learned

Meth-and orange juice will make you talk fast and listen to shit like Ace Of Base

Consequences? Forgetting about yr sister. Thinking Tori Spelling is attractive

Meth is super-easy to quit after Kelly Taylor yells at you

Saved By The Bell
Are you there ZackGod, It's Me Jessie?

In the most famous epi EVER. Jessi is supa stressed about a test and on top of that Zack (GOD) has the bright idea to turn the trifecta (Lisa, Kelly and Jess) into the female New Kids On The Block with video and lip-syncing!!
http://youtube.com/watch?v=MMCZF6E4dDM&feature=related I'm thinkin the director was a crackhead
How does everybodies least fav feminist handle the preshua? Caffeine pills.
Two days later she's a total mess. More fast talking occurs (thats how we know the drugs have ahold of her).

At school, Slater knocks her bookbag down and while helping her pick her shit up totally reads her prescription bottle. He tells her caffeine pills are bad news. Really? Cuz I have a hard time believing a 16 is naturally that buff! Ya fucking Roid poppa. Of course she ignores Slater, like everyone should. Slater is pretty paper thin, even for a SBTB character, only surpassed by Kelly Kapowski.
So the BIG day arrives, time to impress the big wig music producer with their lip-syncing skillz, and ZackGOD finds Jessie passed out- or napping?? on her bed. She tells him she just needs a lil caffeine to wake her ass up ( like 80% of the country). GOD freaks out on her telling her those are dangerous (not) and then she's all. " Oh ya wanna see a freakout, beat this!" http://youtube.com/watch?v=ljtuGoIIKGs
I think they even take her to the hospital...no not the mental hospital, which would actually make sense.

Life Lessons Learned

Drugs make even the most boring person interesting


Sweet Valley High

Every once in a while (always) SVH would take a serious topic and TOTALLY fuck up the moral.

Ex: Robin is teased (almost Carrie levels of harassment) for being chubby, so she loses a ton of weight in like a week, and becomes BFF's with the same girls who tormented her. Score for the fatty! "I barfed my way to acceptance!"

Ex: Annie is teased sooo much by the chearleaders, she tries to kill herself! Jessica feels bad so lets her join the team. Yay, Annie has a reason to live! BFF's 4 Ever! "Attempted suicide is a great way to get what you want!"

Ex: Lynne is a super terrific singer/musician, smart and one of the few nice interesting people in SVH, but she is kinda homely. But after a makeover the boy she's been in love with finally realizes how special she is. Yay for lip gloss! "It doesn't matter how talented you are, all that matters in being gorgeous!"

So how does Sweet Valley tackle teenage drug use?

Regina, one of the more likeable characters finds out this slut Amy and her hot boyfriend Bruce Patman are screwing around behind her back. She is totally devistated and starts hanging out with the "bad crowd". At a party someone brings some cocaine and Regina snorts some...and fucking drops dead!
Turns out she had a heart condition and the coke was too much for her to handle. Gahh?

So basically, parents, don't even worry about talking to your kids about drugs. Tv and fictional stories totally have that covered. You have more important things to wory about, so leave the hard stuff to Luke Perry.